Uniquely Genius

I had the privilege of taking a busload of youth from our church to ski at Paoli Peaks over the past holiday weekend.  We spent 4 days together.  I loved skiing with the kids, playing games with the kids, building snowmen, having snowball fights, making snow angels, listening to music, crying, laughing, talking about everything or nothing at all.  The best part of the trip was being able to see the teens in a non-educational environment and being able to appreciate them for who they are.  Not who the "educational system" thinks they should  be.  Let me elaborate a bit on what I mean.

Everyone wants the straight A kid to be theirs.  Straight A kids are awesome!  Many don't have to bust it to make the A's.  They are just gifted with intelligence.  Not that they are all gifted to be in a special gifted program but more just that they are what generalities would deem to be smart kids.  I loved being with this group of kids this weekend because it didn't matter what grades they made in school this weekend.  They could play cards, games, ski, snowboard, build snowmen and all be on a level playing field.  I had no idea who was "smart" and who had to work themselves to death to make C's.  It did not matter.  I love that.  Sometimes I think we judge kid's worth or value on what they can make on a report card rather than focus on the whole child and how well rounded they are.

When are children are born, we want them to be the best at everything.  We want them to be the smartest, the most beautiful, the first to do everything.  And until they go to school, they are because they are perfect in our eyes.  When they go to school, suddenly they are judged on the world's scale and it isn't always as pretty as we dreamed it would be.  I have been blessed with three average children.  They are not the best academically in any area.  They are simply average.  In my house, we celebrate D's if we worked hard to get them.  I am suggesting that average is good.

Back to the ski trip, it occurred to me that everyone was on a level playing field.  No one had a "diagnosis" of ADHD, Autism, Gifted, Average or any other possible category that children are placed in while attending school.  Everyone was just there to have fun.  None of those categories mattered. It is so good for kids to get away from school and escape on a retreat.  Home is one of those retreat places.  Coming home from school is a chance to get away from categories.  It did not matter what you made on your last report card during the snowman building competition.  I loved that.  I loved watching the kids interact and have a great time together.  I loved watching kids laugh and cry together.  Kids loving Jesus.  Kids loving each other.  It was a blessing to me just to be there.

By no means am I trying to criticize the educational system.  I think there are things that are great about our educational system and also things that could be improved.  I understand that sometimes a label is a useful tool.  But I am also suggesting that it is wonderful to throw off labels and just be kids.  Just play.  Just enjoy.  Just be ourselves.  I enjoyed seeing 60 teens just being themselves this past weekend.

I think Albert Einstein said it best when he said, "Everyone is a genius.  But if we judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree it will spend it's whole life believing it is stupid."  Today I am thankful that I had the chance to spend some time with some awesome kids who could climb trees, swim, snowboard, play games, identify music like Name that Tune, and just be themselves.  And no one lined them up and asked them all to climb a rope and ring a bell.  For if they were, some would believe they were not athletic.  We just embraced the students and enjoyed their talents.  Maybe we all need to be a little more tolerant of differences and appreciate that God made us all different.  He made us all uniquely genius.


Thanks so much for reading my blog.  I am so excited to see what God has in store for me with the launch of my first book too!  (If I ever finish it and come up with a name for it)  Please subscribe to my musings by putting your email address in the box at the right.  If you are on a mobile device, scroll to the bottom and click on "View Web Version" then the box will appear at the right.  Invite me to speak at your next event.

Until next time,
Jennifer

Free at Last

Today is quite a momentous day for me as a mother.  I am certain that my oldest is quite excited about this day as well, but maybe not in the same way that I am.  Today I am going for the official dismissal from the Special Education program, which she never needed in the first place, for my beautiful daughter.  Two weeks from tomorrow she will graduate from high school.  Does it matter that her dismissal comes just before she graduates?  Does it matter that she was in the program for years and received services and was called names because of it and yet she will receive official dismissal when it really won't matter at this point?  Yes.  Yes it does.  It matters to me and it matters to her.  I made sure this official dismissal took place.  I have some things to say today to whom it may concern.  I could have just let this go and let her graduate and forget about this with a new start in college.  I like new starts, God gives us a new day, a new moment.  I am seizing this moment and clearing my daughter's name and records from the bondage of misdiagnosis and mistreatment.  So yes, it matters.  She will get a new start in college in August but by george she will get a new start today with 6 days of school left for her.

If you need background on what I am talking about today, please go to blog archives and read "Witnessing a Modern Day Miracle".

Every year I have had to go to an IEP meeting.  I loathe IEP meetings because they eternally are talking about "disabilities" and "abnormalities" and those who conduct these meetings seem to forget they are talking about my beautiful daughter that is perfect in my eyes and is smart, and funny, and precious and kind, and compassionate, and most importantly is a child of the King.  I have spent many years wanting to bang my fist on the table and yell, "Did you notice how she was a friend to someone less fortunate?  Did you notice how she is always about something that is good and wholesome and right?  Did you notice how hard she works to get what she does?  Did you forget that I squeezed her out of my bottom and I can show you all kinds of crazy if you don't say something good about my girl?  Is what she can show you on a piece of paper ALL that matters to you?  Have you looked at her heart?"  Each year I warn my best friend that I am about to go to my meeting.  She mobilizes and knows that I am going to call her madder than a wet hen because of how they talk in the meeting.  Well not today.  I have a few things to say.  Heaven help them while I speak my peace.  I will bring up how in second grade they wanted to have her repeat that grade.  I will bring up how in 6th grade they wanted to have her repeat that grade.  I would not let them.  I wouldn't because I was listening to God and what He thought was best and not what the educational system thought was best.  I firmly believe that had I given in to what "they" thought was best for my girl that I would have a different story to tell today.  I believe that she quite possibly could have given up and dropped out of school.  If I had let them repeat her twice then she would be 18 years old and a sophomore.  Did "they" think what that would do to a girl's self esteem?  I couldn't blame her for wanting to give up and I am not a quitter.  Are they really "disabilities" or do we just all have different abilities and the system tries to put us all into a mold when we don't all fit into that mold?  If God wanted us to fit a mold then wouldn't He have made us all exactly alike and look exactly the same?

I will bring up the fact that if I had laid down as a mother and not advocated for my child and not told them what I would allow them to do with her then she would not be graduating this year, would not have received the Hope Scholarship for academic excellence, would not be wearing an honors banner on her graduation gown for exceptional grades in high school, would not have been accepted to college where she will begin attending in the fall, would not have made straight A's for 3 of 4 grading periods?  Because I bucked the system she IS.  She IS graduating, made straight A's on the world's scale, got the Hope Scholarship, will wear an honors banner, and IS going to college.  She never needed special education in the first place, she simply could not hear.  Well now she CAN.

Now by no stretch of the imagination am I suggesting that the educational system stinks, or that this is all the school's fault.  I don't believe that for one moment.  I believe this is not our story, this is God's story and what He writes is perfect.  My daughter would not be the hard working princess she is today if not for the hardships she has endured through the years.  I would not change a thing that has occurred in these past 18 years.  It has made us all what we are today.  We were being molded into who we are today.  What I am saying is be an advocate for your children.  Don't just take what doctor's or educators say about your child.  Take what God says about them.  Do what is best for them.  Go with your gut.  My gut said different than the system all these years and now, just a few short weeks ago we all learned that my gut was right.  And look at the results that have come from it.

We are having a graduation party for my girl in two weeks.  I could certainly be wrong but I feel like my girl graduating is a bigger deal than maybe some other kids. Probably even a bigger deal than my other two kids when they graduate.  There is a huge story behind her graduating, not just a career of lollipops and rainbows.  It is a graduation of perseverance, of not backing down, of not giving up.  Each person invited to the party has had a significant role in getting my girl where she is today.  I wish I had time to tell each person the role they played.  They may not even know the role they played.  Rest assured, if you received an invitation, you played a huge role.  This isn't about graduation gifts.  This is about the greater good of a child.  Of seeing past the outside and seeing straight to the heart. 

Today I am going to that meeting.  I am going to witness them writing dismissal papers from the Special Education program that she did not need in the first place.  She just needed hearing aids.  She needs official dismissal so she can kick the dust of this town off her feet and fly.  Do I wonder what she may have been able to accomplish if she had not been misdiagnosed?  Sometimes, in my darkest hour.  But I push that thinking down and let the cream rise to the top.  This is God's story, not mine.  I am just proud I have it to tell.  It is not a story I would have chosen to have to tell, but it is all mine and I am proud of it because God chose me to be a character in it.  My faith has made me whole.

Thank you so much for reading my blog.  I am so grateful for the opportunities this has brought to me and gives me a medium to share my thoughts.  I hope my story helps just one person.

You are NOT alone.  I felt alone for many years and kept all of this to myself.  Alone is not a good place to be.  May God bless each and every one of you and May God bless those people who are in the meeting today.  I have a word or two to speak ;)

Autism, Special Education, and ADHD Awareness Month

The month of April has been set aside to bring awareness to Autism Spectrum Disorder, Special Education, and Attention Deficit Disorder and Hyperactivity.  All of these important words have significance in my life.  I vow to bring awareness to all of them and bring us all together to appreciate all people and all of their special talents.

When your children are born, no one expects to sit across a table and have someone say to them, "Your child has Autism".  No one wants to hear "Your child would benefit from services provided in the special education program."  No one wants to hear, "We have eliminated all other possibilities and your child meets enough criteria to be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder."  I have a degree in Elementary Education.  I have had the college level classes on all of these diagnosis.  I have sat at a table when I have had to tell a parent each one of these phrases as an educator.  But let me tell you this:  NOTHING that I learned in college, or as a teacher prepared me to hear these words about my own child.  After all, my children are perfect in my eyes.  I thought I would birth the straight A student, the honor roll kid, the valedictorian, the quarterback of the football team, the star soccer player, the softball player with the full ride scholarship, didn't you think you would birth these children?  I was taught so much more by my children about what "perfect" really is.  For this, I am grateful.

If you are unaware of my oldest daughter's situation, go back and read the blog post titled Witnessing a Modern Day Miracle.  Two different times, in the second grade and again in the sixth grade I was told that she should be held back.  I knew that it would damage her self esteem and that her academics would be in no better condition by repeating than being moved to the next grade with her friends.  It was a gut feeling, but in the end, my gut was right.  Had I allowed them to hold my daughter back, she may very well have ended up dropping out of school or had such low self image that she would have never recovered.  The fact is that the school was judging my daughter's ability to climb a tree when she was actually a fish and was good at swimming.  Had I played into the school's hand of cards, the outcome would have been so different than it is.  My daughter was diagnosed with a language processing learning disability in which we were told she could not get to her hand what was being processed in her head to write it down on a piece of paper when in reality, she couldn't hear what was being said so it took her so long to process and piece together what had been said in to something that made sense.  In the meantime she was labeled "stupid", or "special ed", or "dumb blonde".  So many times over the years I wanted to bang my fist on the table and ask if they noticed how intelligent my girl was, or how great a Christian young lady she was, or what a great friend to others she was?  All the while we judge others on the world's scale when we need to be judging on God's scale and accepting everyone and their rainbow of differences.  Instead it seems that we judge everyone based on the world's scale and expect all the fish and the squirrels to climb the tree exactly the same.

We all need to realize that no one is dumb.  That we all are varying degrees of smart.  After all, God made us all perfectly the way He wanted us to be.  Autistic, Learning Disabled, Attention Deficit Disorder, Hyperactivity:  these are all labels created by man to describe people who don't seem to be able to climb trees like the squirrels can.  Indeed, we should put the squirrels in the pool and see how well they can swim.

Now that is a point to ponder.

During the month of April, Awareness Month for labels that man has created for our fish who can't climb trees well, let us all take time to realize that all are smart.  Let us teach our children to not only be proud of straight A's, but to be more proud of our work ethic.  Let us appreciate the colorful world that God made with all sorts of birds, fish, cattle, etc.  And let us never judge a cow on it's ability to fly, or a squirrel on it's ability to swim.  Only then will we create this awareness that we so desire.

Please look at this you tube video.  Copy and paste it in your browser.

http://youtu.be/YR26oxIoz68

Witnessing a Modern Day Miracle and Realization of Dreams

I am generally a very funny person but this morning I blog with a cup that runneth over with joy.  Let me start by saying that I have finally been granted permission by my oldest daughter to share her story.  It is a beautiful story that God wrote from the very beginning.  It has many gorgeous details and a lot of heartache.  It is a story of perseverance, the triumph of the human spirit, never backing down, and most importantly following God when the way seems dark and lonely and you can't see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I am beyond delighted to have permission to write her story.  Some of the details will be left out still, simply to protect her.  It is my prayer as I candidly type her story that it will give even just one person hope for another day.

My oldest daughter is about to turn 18 in a few short weeks.  She will be graduating high school this year and attending college in the fall.  When she was born, I had so many hopes and dreams for her like all moms do.  I remember laying on the bed with her when she was a few days old and crying because I wanted her to be able to remain so innocent the rest of her life.  I knew the world was cruel and I just ached for what she would experience and see in this old world one day.  I knew I couldn't save her from everything, but I vowed to that baby that day that I would die trying.  It is a vow I have kept to my beautiful girl.

Fast forward to school days:  Every mom gets excited and sad when their child goes off to Kindergarten, and every mom just knows that their kid is the smartest, the most adorable, etc.  Up until they go to Kindergarten they ARE!  but all of a sudden, they are judged on the world's scale in a school and it isn't always as pretty as we dreamed it to be.  If you have a child that makes straight A's all the time and work is simple for them, I am so incredibly happy for you.  I no longer wish that was my lot in life for motherhood.  I am grateful for every tear that was shed over homework and every mean thing that has been said to my girl because this is God's story and my girl has turned into an incredibly hard worker, self motivated, Christian young lady who will do amazing things in God's kingdom in her life.  I spent many years crying and praying that things be easier for my girl.  Praise God that He said, "No".

Fast Forward-2nd Grade:  Having had a terrible time in school and grades that suffered, we began to believe there was a problem.  We took her to have her eyes tested and her hearing tested. Then ultimately had testing done through the school and pediatrician where the ultimate diagnosis was Attention Deficit Disorder and a learning disablility.  NOT what I dreamed of when my girl was born.  We moved on, and things improved with knowledge of how to deal with our daughter.  A behavioral therapist was involved and also was able to help us tremendously to teach our daughter how to deal with her "lot".

Kids are mean and there have been many hurtful things uttered to our girl about being dumb and stupid and "special ed".  I can't believe that special ed is actually a term children use to refer to another one of God's creatures.  In our home, we celebrate D's if we worked hard to get them.  ABCDF are letters used to judge knowledge on the world's scale, NOT GOD'S SCALE.  God's scale judges how much character a child has, and how loving they are, and whether or not they are kind to one another.  My girl is all of these things.

In 6th grade, there was new legislation that allowed a child to receive special education services for medical reasons such as Attention Deficit Disorder as well as learning disability.  We made a very hard decision to place her in that program so she could receive the best education opportunity she could receive.

In the meantime, I prayed daily for my girl that things be easier for her and many other specifics as they arose.  Also in the meantime, she grew to love the Lord even more, she grew in stature and faith and in favor with God and man.  She learned to work circles around the other "smarter" kids in class, learned to be incredibly organized, and learned to develop tough skin for hurtful words from mean kids and teasing that was not meant to be teasing but was hurtful even from her best friends.

Fast Forward-12th grade:  She was accepted to college by the grace of God based on her grades which was a feat orchestrated entirely by the one and only God.  Her grade point average continued to rise, provisions were taken away gradually as we learned to learn to where ultimately in the 11th and 12th grade, all special education provisions were removed and my girl was allowed to spread her wings and fly.  She recently received her first set of straight A's.  We all cried and celebrated because we knew that she had finally proved on the world's scale just once that she was smart, a quality that we knew she was all along, but now the world had proof.  TAKE THAT world!!

We had to go to the pediatrician to get booster shots for college and upon the checkup protocol, a hearing test which she failed miserably.  We have had hearing tests almost yearly and she never had passed one, even when we took her to Bill Wilkerson Hearing Institute at Vanderbilt when she was 10.  It was always treated with antibiotics and antihistamines to remove fluid, repair burst ear drum, or some other medical anomaly that may have been present in her ears at the time.  Our pediatrician referred her to an audiologist and a doctor of facial and head surgery to be evaluated for hearing.  We attended the appointment where we were told that our daughter had "severe hearing loss".  The doctor continued to talk and I began to cry not because he told me my daughter needed hearing aids, but because he told our entire story in the context of her hearing loss and he had never met us before to know the struggles our child had in school.  All these things were related to hearing loss and not Attention Deficit Disorder OR a learning disability.  The child simply could not hear.  Now, many would be furious, but not me.  No sir!!  We can't look back we can only look forward, and praise God that we found this!  Had God intended us to find out this problem before now, He would have let it be known and her failed hearing tests would not have been dismissed as fluid, ear infection, etc.

Yesterday I witnessed a miracle.  I praise God and thank Him tearfully that I was able to witness His miracle.  We went to the Audiologist who fitted my girl with hearing aids.  They were programmed to her hearing loss via computer and placed in her ears.  Folks, THIS is what you look like when you are able to hear for the very first time in your life.

My girl was literally giddy when she heard for the first time. She got very teary eyed because she was hearing for the very first time in her life. She started laughing and listening.  The audiologist said, "go outside and ask her a question without her being able to see you"  My girl said, "I heard that!"  She rubbed the chair arm that I was sitting in and pulled her hand away like she touched something hot and I asked her what was wrong, and she said, "OMgoodness did you hear that?  The chair arm makes noise when you rub it!"  She proceeded to tap, whistle and laugh a lot.  I looked over at her because she was making so much noise I couldn't hear the audiologist.  She said, "I am just enjoying hearing!"  Our moments since yesterday have involved her self discovery of the world of hearing.  It is something we take for granted every day.  I will not take this for granted another day.  It has been a wonderful time to watch how excited she is about every noise that I never think about but that she has never heard.  She texted me and said she said the pledge today.  She had not heard it before.

I am so grateful that God chose me to be this fabulous girl's mother.  She has taught me more about life that I would ever have learned from anywhere else.  I am also grateful that God chose to write this wonderful story for my girl and for all the heartache that goes with it, for it made her what she is today: perfect!I will leave you with a picture of my girl showing you her miracle pieces that set her free from the bondage of misdiagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder and a learning disability.

Amanda Dugger Photography did my daughter's senior pictures and also designed her graduation announcements.  The quote that was placed on the front of the announcement is from Eleanor Roosevelt.  It reads, 

 The Future Belongs to Those who Believe in the Beauty of their Dreams

I believe...and so does my girl.  We always have, even when times were tough, we always believed.

Visit www.amandaduggerphotography