Be A Gracious Recipient and a Cheerful Giver

If you really didn't want to bring food to me then don't call me and offer because I am going to accept your offer.  On top of that, I am going to accept without expecting to have to repay you for your generosity.  I have learned to be a gracious recipient as well as a cheerful giver.

One of my least favorite comments is "I owe you one."  You don't owe me anything.  If I do something for you it is out of the goodness of my heart, because I had money or time at the time you needed something.  If you can't accept my help without feeling like you owe me something then you have missed the point.  You take the joy away from the giver if you are not a gracious recipient.  Now I did not say you needed to be a score keeping recipient, but a gracious recipient.

The same is true of being a Cheerful Giver.  If you give something expecting that the person will be someday paying you back then you have missed the point.  It takes the joy away from the recipient if you make them feel obligated to "pay you back".

I like the idea of paying it forward better.  I don't have enough time or energy to be keeping a tit for tat scorecard of favors given and received.  I give what I can, when I need to, when I see a need, when I have the time, the money or resources.  I receive when I am in need, I don't say no to an offer if it is something I need.

I would like to use the example of my recent bad week of losing the puppy and my son being hospitalized with extreme mystery illness.  I did not want for anything during that time.  My friends and family called me when passing through town to see if I needed anything.  If I did, I told them.  One friend even brought me toilet paper.  I was actually sitting by my sick son thinking about how we were just about out of toilet paper when I got a text from a very good friend saying she was at the store and what could she get me.  If she didn't want to help me she would not have texted.  I would have stolen joy from her if I did not allow her to help me.  I told her we needed toilet paper.  She brought it to us.  Best.Gift.Ever.  I do not feel like I need to repay her for the toilet paper.  I would be stealing the joy from her if I did.  I am sure it made her incredibly happy to help us with a necessity like that.  I know it would have thrilled me if I could have helped someone like that.  Be a gracious recipient.

Toilet paper.  Simple item, big message.  Help the helpless and if you are helpless, allow others to help you.  People want to help, they just don't always know how.  Tell them how.  And be grateful.  When you are on the giving end, remember toilet paper.  And don't expect the favor to be returned.  It steals the joy from the Charmin.

I hope you enjoy my blog.  Please subscribe in the box to the right and share my link with your friends.  Have a fabulous evening and don't forget the Charmin, and burn the score card

.

Jennifer

No Score

There are a lot of things that a score is important.  A baseball game is insignificant if there is no score.  A tennis match is the same.  A football game would not be as exciting without a posted score as would a hockey game.  Some even comment that they need to "even" the score with a positive OR negative connotation.  Today I would like to suggest that there is one aspect of life where there should be no score.

I suppose this is a pet peeve of mine.  I do something for someone and they say, "I owe you one."  Heaven help us if when someone does something for me they think in their head "She owes me one" because let me clue you in on something about me, it ain't happening.  I don't think to myself  "_____ did something for me now I have to even the score and I have to do something for them."  It takes the joy from the giver if the giver feels like you feel obligated to even the score and return a favor.  In turn, it takes the joy out of receiving something if you feel guilty and immediately in your head think that you need to repay them.  

The Bible talks about God loving a cheerful giver.  I am suggesting that if you expect something in return for your giving, whether it be giving of time, talent, or money, then you are not ultimately a cheerful giver.  Give with the intention of making someone happy or their life easier without expecting anything in return.  If you are expecting something in return or the score to be evened at some point, then you are taking the joy away from the recipient.  The recipient should be able to accept without worry that you are expecting something in return.

On the same token, if you are the recipient, be a gracious recipient without feeling obligated to return the favor.  If you feel a sense of obligation then you are taking the joy away from the giver.  They gave to you to make your life easier or to make you happy.  Be happy and skip the guilt.  Guilt is a terrible thing.  It can rule your life.  It can undermine your efforts.

I am much more of a fan of paying it forward.  After all, what goes around always comes around and you reap what you sow.  So if we all are paying it forward then we all experience the joy of giving and receiving without the mental anguish of obligation and guilt.  It makes my head hurt to think of all the people I would "owe" one to for helping me or my family.  Let's just all do what we can, when we can to who we can and we will all be reaping the harvest of good people doing good things in a good world.

Now that is a point to ponder.

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