A Good Decision

Chocolate chip or Sugar?
Red or Blue
Go or Stay?
Snack or wait?

Decisions decisions...

There are actually a few decisions that are disguised as feelings.  Love is a feeling.  It is something you fall into.  Something you feel in your soul, and heart.  Something you get butterflies over.  It is uncovered when you find your soulmate. I am suggesting today that love is not a feeling at all.  It is a decision.

I have been married for 26 years.  27 in May.  We met at college in Nashville, TN. He was from Georgia, I was from Nashville.  It was love at first sight.  I told my roommate after I met him that I had just met the man I was going to marry.  There were butterflies.  There was giddiness and laughing.  There was excitement to see him.  It was the same on his end.  We dated.  We loved.  We had fun.  We got married.  What if I had gone to school at Texas A&M?  Would I have found this man I married?  hmmmm

No.  I would have married someone who was in my pool of eligibles at the time I was ready to get married.  This does not minimize my love and adoration for my husband, it just means that I picked him out of the pool of eligibles within proximity to where I was at the time I wanted to get married.  THIS, my friends, is why so many marriages are failing nowadays.  People think that love is a feeling.  Something they fall into, and as time passes they fall out of.  Do I feel butterflies when I see my husband now, 26 years later?  hmmm no.  Am I glad to see him?  yes.  Do I miss him when he is gone?  absolutely.  But do I burn with passion for him?  no.  Did I? yes.  You see, love is a decision.

When butterflies go away in time and it's kids and bills and commitments, you don't burn with passion anymore, Yes, desire is still there, but more of a comfortable desire and the desire may not be for the dude who passes gas on the couch.  People give up here.  They divorce here.  Because they saw the secretary at work and felt butterflies for her.  They saw the dude at the local honkytonk that gave them giddiness and rumbly tummy.  It's fun to feel that way. But that isn't love.  That is temporary endorphins that make you feel good for the moment.  It passes.  Even with the secretary or the dude at the honkeytonk it will pass.  Feelings are temporary.  Love is forever.

Love is a decision to commit to your husband even when he is undesirable.  Love is a decision to stick with your wife even though she went and got her entire arm tattooed because she wanted to.  Love is a decision to accept your husband even when he was too hard on the children or you don't agree on which house to buy.  Love is commitment even when your husband blew through $5000 at the poker table.  There are no butterflies in these situations.  No desire.  Just a decision.  A decision to love even when you are unlovable.  A comfortable commitment in sickness and health.  Butterflies are temporary, love is eternal.

When you wife breaks her arm and leg and you have to serve her and put her shoes on for her and snap her bra on her because she can't do anything for herself, you choose to love.  There are no butterflies or giddiness in this situation.  Just love.  A decision to put someone else's needs above your own.

Love is a decision to place someone else's needs above your own.

We love our children but when they draw all over the white couch with sharpie marker do we adore and get giddy over how cute they are?  NO. We decide to love them anyway and purchase a couch cover.  We don't divorce our children or put them up for adoption and make another one that won't do that.  So why are we throwing away our marriages?  Because the world has taught us that love is a feeling.  And when we fall out of it, we throw in the towel and find someone who makes us feel alive again.  Love isn't something we fall into or out of.  It isn't some out of control feeling that lasts forever.  It is a decision.  A decision to love when he plans the most amazing anniversary getaway ever and also to love when he forgets your birthday.

Love is a decision to place someone else's needs above your own.

Share my blog with anyone you think needs to read this.  I hope it touches your heart.

Have the Best Day EVER!
Jennifer

Why do Good People Suffer

I have often wondered why good people suffer and bad people seem to just skate by with things. I had a complete revelation on the subject as I was being quiet and thinking. Often, if we will be still enough to hear, God's voice will become more apparent. 

Good people suffer because this isn't about them. Just because you are dealing with hard times whether it be financially, physically, mentally or spiritually, does not mean that you are the one who needs to learn from the circumstances. Other people are watching you and taking note on how good people handle bad situations. Your children are watching, your friends are watching, your coworkers are watching, random people you come across in life are watching whether you realize it or not. When bad people go through trials people don't watch. They would expect bad people to end up in jail or shout profanities or throw a fit. So they don't watch them to learn from. Even bad people watch good people deal with their problems. 

Good people suffer because it isn't about them. It's about how others perceive and can learn from the trial the good person goes through. People watch Christians go through trials and they make note of how they handle the trial. They may not say anything but they notice. They see. They see how faith gets them through. They see how a church family rallies around those who are in the midst of trial. They watch as friends take care of all immediate needs like childcare and food of those who are in trial. And while we are in a trial, we must always be prepared to give an answer to the hope that is within us. Because as people watch, they will also ask. And when they ask, you will be able to profess that Jesus is the solid rock on which we stand and that all other land is sinking sand. 

Have a great week!!

Jennifer

52 Weeks

As we pack up to go home from vacation, my oldest conveyed the thought that she didn't want to go back to reality. And actually, I have seen that comment a lot this summer when people's vacation is over and they resume work, school, etc. In years past, I have actually shed tears leaving a vacation spot and going back to normal life. Then I realized something. 

If we spend our lives anticipating and enjoying the week of vacation then don't we spend the other 51 weeks of the year disappointed or in constant state of wishing we didn't have to_______?  I don't want to give a condominium in Destin that much control over my life. I don't want to give a shore of sand that much control over me. I don't want to be tossed to and fro at the mercy of what good things or bad things have been thrown my way. I want to find as much joy in a wildflower growing in a crack in the sidewalk as I do watching the moon reflect on the ocean with my husband. I want to choose to be happy whether I am sitting on beaches with crystal clear waters and not a care in the world or if I am recovering from major oral surgery and don't have a row of teeth in my head on the left side. I will choose joy because technology is such that my teeth can be permanently restored after I have suffered a little while. I want to be just as happy to go back to work on Monday as I was to leave for the beach last Saturday. I don't want a day of the week to have enough power over me to ruin my attitude. You see, attitude is a choice. Events come at us good and bad and we have no control over those events. But what we do have control over is our attitude towards it. We can choose happiness. Choose joy. Even when your mouth feels like a bomb went off inside of it. We should count it all joy when we fall into various trials because it produces patience. Good or bad, beach or home, work or play, choose joy. Spread happiness around like confetti and don't let anything have control over your reality. A condo on the beach is reality and so is going to work and coming home and cooking dinner. 

Vacations are wonderful. My husband and I sat on the beach at night and watched as the full moon reflected onto the waves. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Was that reality?  Yes it was. And so is sitting on my deck drinking sweet tea and talking about our day together. Choose joy. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit, broken people can choose happiness  every single minute of every single day. I'm not coming back to reality tomorrow. 52 weeks a year is reality for me. Reality is not some awful existence where I allow my circumstances to determine my happiness. Some people think happiness is a feeling when it actually is a choice. 

Let me know what you think!

Jennifer 

(Backup) Wild

This afternoon I was out with my dogs in the backyard and saw a beautiful Queen Anne's Lace blooming in our ditch. I've always loved that wildflower because of it's intricate blooms. They really do look like lace doilies. I also like them because they provide food for ants. Upon closer investigation, I realized that the blooms were covered in tiny ants. I was able to get a lovely photo of the wildflower. 

 

By definition, this stunning flower is a weed. 

weed

wēd/

noun

1. 1. 

   a wild plant growing where it is not wanted and in competition with cultivated plants.

   
   

   
   

   
   

Technically, anything is a weed if it grows where it was not wanted. Likewise, anything is a flower if it grows where it is wanted. 

We need to choose our friends and acquaintances wisely. If we find ourselves planted amongst the weeds no matter how beautiful we may be,  we will become covered with ants and be deemed a weed. Likewise, if we find ourselves surrounded by good friends, good bedding plants and shrubs, no matter our appearance we are deemed a beautiful flower. The Queen Anne's Lace is guilty by association. If found amongst weeds, it is considered a weed. If found amongst a garden, it is considered a gorgeous flower. 

One other twist on the Queen Anne's Lace occurred to me as I was walking my dogs. The Lace will spread by dropping its seeds that come up in time and make another beautiful flower. If God plants us amongst the weeds, are we dropping our seeds so more beauty can grow in an otherwise undesirable place?  Where are you currently planted?  Are you a weed or a beautiful flower?  

Thanks for reading my blog. 

Jennifer

Embrace your Awesome

One of the things that aggravates the stew out of me is people, particularly the ladies, being unhappy about their weight or the way they look or their wrinkles. I have been up and down with my weight my whole life and have finally settled into loving myself. As I am. If I look back over pictures of myself over the years I was skinny, super skinny, really overweight, slightly overweight or pleasantly plump. One thing is constant in my weight struggles and my photos-there is one way I look when I am doing some exercise throughout the week, maybe some walking or running or whatever I can manage.  It's kinda like my balance weight. If I am heavier or skinnier I have to do something dramatic to reach that size. Like have a baby, or starve myself to death. At my thinnest, I felt terrible most of the time. I was depriving myself and it can almost become an addiction. The bottom line is that God made some of us small and some of us big and some of us pear shaped and some of us round and some thin. Same with men. 

 

My youngest daughter is very thin. The kids at school tell her she is anorexic and too thin. First of all, that isn't even something to joke about because one of my daughters has walked that path and it is not a choice. Anorexia and Bulimia are diseases and not something to be joked about.  My youngest daughter is just naturally thin. So what society is telling us is you are a fatty or you are too thin. Nobody walks up to you and says you are just perfect. Well I know some people who do and I certainly try to but most people don't.   We have to stop body shaming each other. Maybe someone gained weight because they were stressed. Maybe someone lost weight because they are so stressed they can't eat. And we have the gaul to tell them how good they look?  You look so great on the outside while you are crumbling on the inside?!  Stop. Just stop. God made us each to be a certain size barring any crazy effort either way. So let's all spend some time building each other up rather than tearing each other down. And let's learn to love ourselves. There are people who love fluffy girls and people who like thin boys and people who like tall girls or short boys or green eyes or brown hair or the list goes on. There is a lid for every pot. So let's quit picking ourselves apart and start building ourselves up to be the great creations that we are. Some people can eat a whole pie and not gain a pound and I can eat a bite and gain 5. It's just the way I am made.  And I naturally have a double chin no matter how thin I am. So I have decided that leaving a double chin out of a picture is like leaving a child out of a family photo. So embrace it and flaunt your flaws!  Be flawsome!

Think about that today and build someone up tomorrow by telling them they are beautiful. I guarantee you will be the one who smiles first. 

Make today the best day of your life!

Jennifer

A Village

I was sitting in church this morning and I noticed my Little Love just like I do every time I am at church. He is 2 years old and exceptionally smart and intuitive and quite the conversationalist at such a young age. When I caught sight of him, he was being held by his grandmother. A few minutes later his little hand was waving to his second set of grandparents sitting behind him further over in the balcony. Then he looked down to me and waved and blew kisses. Then he looked at some other folks in the balcony and waved to them. He said hello to the folks sitting right behind him. At two years old, he greeted his village. 

 

As I considered what I had witnessed at church this morning, my mind reflected on how this tiny little human knows who his Village is.  He knows who he can count on, depend on, seek counsel from, give and receive love from, who he can go to when he feels like he needs to talk. It's important to have people aside from immediate family that support you and give sound direction. At 2 years old he knows who his Village is. His parents have surrounded him with people who they know will uphold the family values as their child grows up. 

Several people who were my Village growing up are still mentors who I feel I can go to if I need sound direction. As parents, we need to ensure that we expose our children to as many people as possible who will sustain and support the teachings we do within our household and will guide our children in the direction they should go. If there is ever a time that our child feels they can't tell their parents something then they have a Village already established that will gladly take them for ice cream and listen. 

The people in our Village are anchors. Weights that keep us steady when winds blow. Dependable. People we know will be there when we need them. There actually are people around who don't have a Village. I challenge us all to step out of our comfort zone and become a Villager to someone without a Village. Everyone needs someone. Not to be all up in their business but just to be there. 

I know one way we can be a Villager. Don't change your facial expressions no matter what has been confided to you. We are all one bad decision away from doom so it is asinine for us to judge someone else for their decisions. If you can say to yourself "that will never happen to me" then I fear for you. You are living in a fairy tale land and are trying to project perfection when truth is we are all imperfect beings in an imperfect world. 

A two year old child knows who his Village is. Who is your Village?  Who are you a Villager for?

Enjoy this beautiful day and give me your feedback on my post!

Jennifer

Decisions Decisions

Some of us live our entire lives waiting to fall in love. Is love something we fall into?  Something we don't have control over?  Something that we just get blown into no matter what our minds may tell us?  I sure hope not. I hope we would not give that much control to anything or anyone. 

How about happiness?  Is that something that we are at the mercy of our circumstances to experience?

How about joy?  Are we just blowing around in the wind until we get blown into a major vacation or a stupendous event to experience joy?

I hope and pray we never give that much control over what we define as a feeling. Sure, we may have a lot of chemistry and attraction to certain people more than another, and it may be mistaken as love. But I am suggesting that love is a decision. Chemistry is great but if that's all there is then it's not love. 

Love is caring about the needs of another person over your own. Has nothing to do with chemistry. When you have been married a while and the honeymoon is over and your spouse gets up and is fussing about dumb stuff then you don't fall out of love with them that day. Instead, you decide to love them in spite of their unattractive behavior. When they bring you flowers for no reason you don't fall deeper in love with them because their behavior is attractive. You decide to love them more because they put your needs above their own. 

When you have a wreck and total your car, you decide to be happy because there were no injuries. When your plans get cancelled that you looked forward to you decide to be happy because it is an opportunity for you to binge watch a show you have wanted to see. You see, it's all about our attitude. 

Joy, happiness, and love are not feelings. They are decisions. And the sooner you choose happiness, the sooner you will find peace has crept into your life because you are not allowing false feelings to blow you around like a rag doll. Marriages are not lasting when built upon chemistry. Unless we decide to love that person outside of the chemistry. The decision to Love at the worst of times is actually very attractive. And you feel like you have control over your life rather than being blown around to and fro at the mercy of whatever feels good at the moment.  Feelings don't last. Decisions stick. 

So young folks, when you look for a mate, pick someone with a bag of faults you can live with. We all have faults and some faults we can't stand. Other faults we can overlook. For example, I couldn't live with someone who spent every dime he had. So I found someone who pinches pennies and accounts for every dime spent. Some people couldn't stand living with someone who makes you account for every dime. Some people can live with an alcoholic. Some can't. Some can live with a boy who has a lot of toys. Some want one more reserved. That is what dating is for. To find out which faults are deal breakers for you and which faults you can overlook. Then when you find someone to marry, you know which faults you can't live with and you pick a person who has faults you CAN live with.  

Let's talk about soul mates. No.such.thing.  The concept of a soul mate is daunting. To think I have to find the ONE person in the whole world I was meant to be with is obnoxious. I went to Lipscomb and found my mate there. If I had gone to college at Pepperdine I would have found a mate there and been just as happy. I'm not discounting my love for my husband, I'm just saying that love is a decision and we pick from our pool of eligibles that are near our location at the time we are ready to get married. I picked wisely. And I would have picked wisely had I been somewhere else also. Yes, there are some who we can be happier with than others, but if we know which bag of faults we can live with and choose wisely, then we are set up to choose to be happy with our decisions. 

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control are all fruits of the spirit. When we have the Spirit within us then we can choose the fruits of the spirit no matter what circumstances come our way. Desisions decisions. 

Make today the best day of your life!

Jennifer