In Sickness and In Health

I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. 

When we marry, we may take our vows very seriously, I know I did, but do we really think about what that may mean?  Taking care of your military husband who is now legless due to a roadside bomb?  Caring for your wife as she dies of cancer?  Living in poverty?  Having more money than you know what to do with and the problems that can come from that?  Dealing with a child with a learning disability?  Day to day taxing work of taking care of a special needs child?  Do we really consider these scenarios as we say these vows in our wedding?  I am suggesting that we don't truly consider the magnitude of what may be coming our way down the road.  

When we marry we have dreams.  Dreams to have children, to travel, to retire with enough money to enjoy life and our elder years.  Sometimes life throws us a curveball.  Sometimes we have to readjust our plans for better or worse.  

I come from a long line of love.  I realize how unusual my life is and I thank God daily that I live in the somewhat of a utopia that I live in.  Both sets of our parents(my husband and mine) have been married a total of over 100 years.  Our sibling is happily married and so is our sister in law's parents.  Even my children realize that this much love in one family is unusual since many of their friends come from broken homes.  We have great family all the way around.  Today I would like to focus on one part of the family and the love that they share.

My husband's parents are wonderful, God fearing people.  They, like most, took their vows and made their plans and dreams.  From the time I came on the scene in 1989, I have heard them discuss their plans for retirement and plans to travel and enjoy their life together.  Their plans never did really pan out the way they planned.  From the time of their retirement, my mother in law had health problems that prevented them from really taking any trips or doing anything outside of ordinary life.  Ultimately, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease.  Although the Alzheimer's was not the cause of the lack of ability to travel early on, it is our life now.  She went to the hospital last November 2013 with chest pains.  She walked into the hospital of her own free will and abilities and yet, she never returned home.  This hospital stay gave my father in law the poetic license to really be honest about the fact that he no longer could care for her they way that he wanted to.  He needed help.  She went to assisted living from the hospital and is now in a skilled nursing facility.  She is quite happy in spite of the fact that we can't really recall the last coherent thing she said or the last time she actually knew who we were.  Many people are in this situation and I would like to address the topic of the caregiver.  It is harder on the caregiver than the patient.  Enter, my father in law.  I love him.  

I love him for the example that he shows us daily of taking care of your spouse in sickness and in health.  For being with them even when they have no idea who you are after 55 years of marriage.  For talking to them in spite of the fact that she doesn't have any recollection of their life together.  When she lived in assisted living, he stayed with her around the clock.  He made sure she had what she needed and that the nurses were taking care of her they way he would.  He sacrificed everything because this was the life that they were dealt.  While some were traveling and seeing the world during their retirement, they were in an assisted living facility going through photo albums to try to jog some memory of a life well lived.  My father in law took care of them financially and now in addition to that, he takes care of his wife physically.  Now that she is in a skilled nursing facility, she has to be fed.  He feeds her three meals a day.  He wipes her mouth.  He adjusts her bed.  He combs her hair.  He strokes her hand.  He adjusts her clothes.  He loves her.  And I love him for it.  What an amazing example he is to all of us.  Tirelessly, he cares for her, sacrificing his time and energy to care for her.  Yes, the nurses could feed her but he wants to.  In sickness and in health.  In memory and not.  I know it makes him sad if he were to think long about the fact that although she may call his name, she doesn't know him or their life together.  But he continues to serve.  Serving God through his vows.  I see what he does.  I respect him for his devotion and example.  I love him.  I love him for showing us what true love really is.  What sacrifice means.  What devotion looks like.  In our home, we don't have to watch the movie The Notebook.  We live it.  
                                 
                                                 (stock photo)
May we all be cognizant of the caregivers and their tireless efforts to care for their spouses and families.  Diagnoses are not just for the patient, the entire family is diagnosed and affected.  Do something nice for a caregiver in your circle today.  Send them a note of appreciation.  Let them know that you see what they do.  I know it will give them strength for another day.

Hug a caregiver today!
Jennifer

The Only Thing That Stays the Same is that Everything Changes

As I sit in the fallout of another blessed Christmas I still reflect to the fact that not everyone has a happy holiday.  Some are alone, some are alone with people all around them.  Some are sad.  Not everyone is happy and surrounded by family like I am.  I have been very mindful of these folks this season.  Maybe these thoughts come to mind so much this year because of spending a lot of time in the nursing home with my mother in law this past month.  Maybe it is because my cousin has brought to my attention all the orphans in India who lay in cribs with shaved heads to keep their maintenance level down.  It makes me thankful for my high maintenance oldest child.  Maybe high maintenance is not such a bad thing after all.  Regardless of the reason for these things to be on my mind, I honestly am grateful for it being the day after Christmas now because maybe the light shines ever so brightly on those who are hurting now that it is over.  Jesus was born in a barn and slept in a feeding trough.  He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and yet He put Himself on the level of the animals.  I want to be like Jesus.

My mother in law has alzheimers and we have had to move her to a memory care facility this month.  We are all adjusting to this change.  Christmas is never a good time to have to make this change, but it was necessary.  People with memory issues become very jovial in general.  They don't remember anything so everything becomes a joke or a happy moment.  We were all very concerned that Christmas was not going to be as happy as usual since we are in this new phase.  My father in law brought her to my sister in law's house for dinner and gifts.  My favorite moment was one I will never forget.  My sister in law had wrapped my mother in law's gift in a bag with tissue.  She pulled the gift out of the bag and was very happy to get it.  She oohed and ahhhed over it and then she set it back down into the bag.  We moved on and others opened a gift or two and then my mother in law pulled the same gift out of the gift bag again and got so excited over it again.  She had forgotten that she already opened that gift 5 minutes ago, opened it again and it was just as exciting the second time as it was the first.  I was so warmed by her reaction a second time.  My oldest and I laughed so hard about it.  We enjoyed that second dose of joy over something so simple.  May be all learn a lesson from this story and be joyful always.

Sitting at the dinner table, we had our traditional Christmas dinner, steak and shrimp.  In looking at the shrimp, my youngest declared, "I don't eat anything red unless it is a fruit snack."

My dogs really had a tag team situation going on.  The 12 week old yorkie was the unwrapper and as soon as she would get the gift unwrapped, the maltese would carry it off for safekeeping.

 It was hilarious watching the dogs enjoy the season.  When we went to my mom's for Christmas, the dogs loved playing with my parent's dog.  It was almost more fun to watch the dogs than to open gifts.  Charlie was cracking us up by setting up residency on top of a gift.  We had to actually move him to get the gift.  He would have stayed there till dinner time.  He is like Ms. Muffet who likes a tuffet.

In other news, we were sitting comfortably in our home last night when I declared, "We need to plug the tree up."  My husband replied with, "I tried to plug it up and none of the lights light up."  What in the world?!  WHY are lights the biggest pain of Christmas??  Praise the Lord that they waiting to Christmas night to go out.  WHY are they going out??  These things make me want to wear sackcloth and tear my clothes.  Is it my imagination or were there not as many light problems when we used to string the trees every year?  Now I am faced with the heavy decisions of whether to strip the tree of the lights now before I stuff it back up in the attic or do I wait till next year and worry with it then?  

Sugar.  Today starts sugar detox.  I have had a LOT of it.  Sweets are my downfall.  I have definitely gained my holiday 5.  I quite possibly have gained a holiday 10 this year.  Last year I was at my adult smallest but felt horrible because I was not eating enough.  This year, I am more at a normal weight for me, but was unable to refuse a single piece of dessert put before me this season.  I am an all in kind of girl.  I struggle with balance.  Last year my pendulum was swung to the left, this year, swung to the right.  I am going to bring it back to balance and today starts my balance.  This morning I sit with a big jug of water.  It makes me feel full.  Sometimes when we think we are hungry we are just thirsty.  Cheers to balance, and to getting off the holiday 10.  I will succeed.  I will not diet, I will eat less and move more.  Amen.

Everything was changing this year with Christmas.  We were all nervous about the changes.  Mainly changes with my husband's side of the family with my mother in law in a facility.   The thing I was most excited about change was with my own family.  Our Christmas eve dinner this year was excellent.  I was super pumped to have my mother's dressing again.  I haven't had it in years because we have Thanksgiving at my house and I have made the dressing or my sister in law has made it.  Sometimes it is so nice to just have a taste of what things used to be like.  Eating my mom's dressing on Christmas Eve was like being home.  I loved every bite of it.  I am so thankful for my parents and for their health and my mom's ability to still cook.  Christmas day dinner was a pressure situation for me and my sister in law.  Both of our husbands wanted us to pick up the torch and make what their mother used to make for Christmas, using her recipes.  The pressure was concerning to me.  It is a lot of pressure to be expected to make a memory in a piece of cake because we all know that we can use the same recipe as someone else and it not taste the same.  Recreating Christmas memories for the boys when their mother can't is a scary task.  I was in charge of the coconut cake and my sister in law was in charge of the red velvet cake.  We showed up at the house of my sister in law and my brother in law declared that the red velvet had perished and we were on the second try.  I entered the kitchen to find my sister in law icing the second attempt.  She said the first attempt was in the trash can.  I was very nervous for all to try the coconut cake as we were nervous to try the red velvet.  The pressure was released when all were raving over both cakes.  Said they "tasted like mom's"  The only thing that remains the same is that everything changes.  The recipe is the same and the maker is different.  It all turned out great!  

Thank you for reading my Christmas ramblings.  I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!  Don't wait till the new year to change something. Start today.  Subscribe to my blogs in the box at the right.  Then you won't miss a single update.  Visit my website at www.funthoughtsonlife.com

Merry Christmas from the Anglin's!

Happy Day!

Jennifer