How to Pick Your Future Mate

Today was one special day. We moved our oldest into her dorm room for her freshman year of college. It was a perfect day. One we started planning and saving for the day she was born. There are many things I teach my children but as I took her to college I think about how I teach them to pick a mate. Here is my oldest in her new dorm room. 

I don't teach my children that there is one "soulmate" that God selected for them. Can you even imagine how overwhelming it could be to be searching for that needle in a haystack?  And what if your soulmate is in London and you are living in Tennessee??  Good grief the stress of finding them!  I teach my children that when you are ready to get married, you choose from the pool of eligibles that are where you are at the time. Yes, I do believe that some people are more compatible than others thus have a stronger connection than some but the "soulmate" deal is as mythical as Medusa as far as I am concerned. 

In the meantime you date. What is the purpose of dating?  I teach my children that everyone has a bag of faults. When you choose a mate, you pick from your pool of eligibles someone who has a bag of faults that you can live with. The purpose of dating is to determine which traits you can deal with in your future mate. Can you deal with someone who wants to know where you are ALL the time or do you want to be able to go to Walmart without letting your mate know you are going because it is an insignificant task and need not be reported?  If you can deal with the micromanager then I tell my children to put that trait down as something in a future mate's bag of faults that you can deal with. Being controlling is a deal breaker?  Put that down as a trait you can't have in a bag of faults. 

Then I have them jotting down deal breaking traits that they turn and run from. Of course this is not a 30 minute discussion about dating. This is something I have already been discussing with my 10 year old. It is a lesson I teach my children over many years. 

My oldest is at college with a list of traits in her head that are deal breakers for her and to run from, and what faults she can live with. By educating my children like this, they many times do not feel the need to date sometimes. My oldest says to me, "Mom, I can see what traits they have and I don't need to date them to look at their traits and I am not ready to get married so all I am setting myself up for is being tied down and dating for no reason."  Now I never said she didn't date. She has and will.   But sometimes when she talks about a boy liking her she will make the comment that she doesn't have to date him to see what his traits are.   

Lastly, I point out traits that each of my children have and what traits may compliment their traits both good and bad. For example, my oldest knows that she needs a man who likes to take care of and protect his princess. She knows this based on her traits. She has been taught what traits compliment her traits. 

This teaching has been successful in our home. I hope you have some new things to think about or some guidance on how to talk to your kids about tough stuff. Thank you for reading my blog!  Have a great evening. 

Jennifer